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Saturday, 21 July 2012

THIRTEEN/ insecurities

This post is about insecurities.
This post isn't about how to hide them, how to make excuses for them or how to lie about them. This post is just about my thoughts on them.
The fact is that everybody is insecure, and everyone is allowed to be insecure. My way of thinking though is never let the insecrurites have you. Meaning, don't let them take over your life. It's okay to have days where you hate the way you look or the way you act, I mean, you're only human. But NEVER let them take over your every move. NEVER let them destroy your dreams. NEVER think for a second that you won't get exactly what you want out of this life. You shouldn't hide what you're insecure about, lie about it or make excuses for it. And you definitely shouldn't let them take over your life — you're worth more than that
If you talk to the people I'm closest to in real life, they'd probably tell you I really don't open up to anyone and that my secrecy is probably my biggest flaw. Maybe they're right, but more often than not I believe them to be wrong. I have been deeply hurt by many people I've been close to in the past, some have sent me almost over the edge but a lot of the time they've just brought me back to earth. It is because of these people I am who I am today. These people have brought out the worst in me. They brought to life every single flaw I believed I possessed. I've been told I wasn't good enough for so many things, that I wasn't thin or pretty enough or that I didn't deserve what I truly wanted out of life. Most of us hear those kinds of things on a daily basis and it never gets easier with time. You need to learn how to filter all of that bad stuff out. Get yourself away from these people. Negativity will only bring you down and it's bad enough other people are thinking like, you don't need to start believing it to. I know, it's all much easier said than done.
I may not be able to trust others with ease but I've learned how to depend on myself, and this is a quality most people never gain in their lifetime. 
The way I see it is you're the only person you can't escape. At the end of the day you can isolate yourself from the outside world — but you can never get away from the voice inside your head. You can run away from every single person in your life and get away from any circumstance but at the end of the day, you are the one that's still there. If you don't like a certain situation, go out and change it. Stop complaining about it, get off your ass, and change it. You may have the closest family and best friends in the world, but those people are also living their own lives. Some people will and should help you to achieve your goals but stop blaming them if they don't work out. "Oh well this person said they'd do this for me and they didn't" Ok, that sucks but what was your mind set to the entire time? Did you set yourself up for failure in the first place? If you're like 99.9% of the human race, my guess is you did... but if you want something, go out and get it for yourself. Life doesn't get handed to you on a silver platter. Go out and get whatever you want and don't let anything stand in your way.
In my opinion, you need to learn how to respect what that voice inside your head says. Trying to find the positives in any situation is a big thing for me. This dress may make me look bigger, but the colour really brings out my eyes. That sort of thing.
Every single person has insecurities and everybody is fighting their own battles and demons. Every single person has off days and bad moods. It's perfectly okay. It's okay to depend on people. It's okay It's just the way you react to these things that is sometimes not okay. 
Just stop making excuses. Stop taking it all out on other people.
You're 100% worth it, I promise.
Here are two pictures: the top one is of me not wearing makeup and the bottom one is of me wearing the makeup I put on daily. One of my biggest insecurities has always been just my face in general. I've suffered from horrible acne in the past (it's cleared up thankfully) and I can't go a day without wearing a full face of makeup even to this day. Seriously, even if I stay at home all day doing nothing and I'll be wearing a full face of makeup. Makeup is like a security blanket for me. I'd kill to be one of those girls who barely wears it or just does a "five minute face". It doesn't look like I wear much but I really really do. It's something I need to work on.

PS. Sorry for the lack of updates recently. I've been suffering from pneumonia but I'm doing a lot better now. Tons of new posts coming up, stay tuned!

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  1. I hope you feeling better- Pneumonia is awful!
    Love this post- I totally agree with you
    I have a whole massive handful of insecurities but I try not to let them get the better of me. In fact some of my biggest flaws I hold up as my most beautiful of things.
    I really struggle with pronouncing words (I can't even say pronounce in real life) so i come off as quite- but hello that makes me so much a better listener, and as I can't read the names of drugs/porcedures I go out of my way to learn and explain every tiny aspect to patients about it.
    Body wise- my stretch marks are my tiger sttripe- my power stripes, my 'big' bits emphasise my presense on this earth.
    youre beautiful

  2. Inspirational... thanks for sharing! <3

    following you!